PROPER RECOGNITION.

i spoke with my psychologist now about my frustration how people don't recognize where i came from and what i've been through to get where i am today. she said, "yeah.. that's right. didn't you come from a coma?" and i said, "YES. just 23 years ago or so- I WAS LYING IN A FUCKING COMA IN BUFFALO'S HOSPITAL." although, now that i think of it- i'm not sure how long it took for me to be air-ambulanced to regions hospital to lie there in a coma in a hospital bed in the hospital room. i was in a coma 23 years ago though.. around that amount of time. no one fuckin gives me credit for the shit i've ALREADY been through. DO THEY THINK I MAGICALLY GOT OUTTA BED AFTER BEING IN A COMA?! AMANDA INSINUATES THAT SHIT- TOTALLY IGNORING THE REHABILITATION I'VE ALREADY DONE TO HELP ME BECOME AMBULATORY WITHOUT REQUIRING THE HELP OF A WHEELCHAIR, WALKER, OR TREKKING POLES TO ASSIST ME IN GETTING AROUND. IT'S LIKE I'M BEING PREVENTED FROM PROGRESSING BECAUSE IT'S NOT CONVENIENT FOR SUPPOSED FORMS OF "SUPPORT" TO SUPPORT ME INTO PROGRESSING AND GETTING HEALTHIER BECAUSE THEY DON'T GET CREDIT FOR NEGLECTING ME. THIS IS MY LIFE I'M LIVING- NOT AMANDA'S. NOT MY SORRY EXCUSE OF A MOTHER'S. MINE. IF YOU WANTED ME TO SPEAK BETTER ABOUT YOU- YOU SHOULD'VE FUCKING SUPPORTED ME AND SHOWN ME CARE. SO YOUR OPINIONS OF WHERE I'M HEADED ARE REALLY OF NO INTEREST TO ME. GO ATTEMPT TO LOOK "CARING" TO YOUR FAVORITE CHILD, MOM. SHE NEEDS IT. OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT REFERRING TO MYSELF BECAUSE I HAVEN'T BEEN DECLARED "CRAZY" YET. which leaves the golden child- amy. buzz off. my psychologist brought up how i took the hard way of going through therapy and i said, "YEAH. PEOPLE DON'T GIVE ME CREDIT FOR IT EITHER BECAUSE THEY DON'T LOOK GOOD THE WAY I WENT THROUGH IT ALL. I COULD HAVE JUST LAID IN BED IN A COMA.. I COULDA JUST SAT MY ASS IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR AND REMAINED THERE BUT I DIDN'T. I ALWAYS FOUND WAYS AROUND SHIT. LIKE WHEN COURAGE KENNY ATTEMPTED TO KEEP ME DORMANT- MY GRANDMA WENT OUT AND FOUND TRAM HOLLOWAY TO HELP ME BECOME AMBULATORY WITH HIS ARP THERAPY. THEN WHEN I WENT TO COURAGE KENNY WITHOUT A WALKER OR TREKKING POLES- KEVIN, THE THERAPIST AT COURAGE KENNY TOLD ME NOT TO RETURN IF I DIDN'T HAVE MY WALKER OR TREKKING POLES TO ASSIST ME IN WALKING." my psychologist said, "oh.. HE's the one that REALLY helped you?" i said, "yeah. courage kenny was more concerned about getting credit for keeping me as disabled and vulnerable as possible. the ONLY help they provided me with was giving me somewhere to practice walking and they tried to put me on exercise machines that my living room wall could do- so they could get credit for helping me. HELPING ME STAY AS HANDICAPPED AS POSSIBLE. and since i didn't have support to jerk them off- i just turned into a liability." i just recognized something- if i really took into consideration about my awareness of shit and people still deliberately refusing to help me progress in the way I want- i could become a very depressed person and even maniacal. wonder if that's amanda and my mom's intention? hm.. you pricks think you're smart. exactly why i don't have any desire to remain in this environment- if you weren't so fucking selfish, you'd realize that.
i have an interview tomorrow and i'm REALLY hoping to get this job. i need to go to my interview before i go to sabathani because both are in minneapolis and i'd only have like 20 minutes (if that) in between to return home.